Your North Star
Do you consider yourself hospitable?
We usually associate the word with restaurants, hotels, or service providers, but it runs through much more of daily life. Danny Meyer, the restaurateur behind Union Square Cafe, Gramercy Tavern, and Shake Shack, built his career on the idea that how you treat people matters as much as what's on the plate. But he knows it extends to each of us well beyond the places we go for a meal.
Nearly nine years ago, one of my mentors and I sat down for breakfast. She asked me what I wanted to do with my career. Without skipping a beat, I said that if I could help one person feel good about themselves once a day, I’d be satisfied.
That goal remains my north star, and its power is in its simplicity. Once a day is very doable. Over the years, I've been surprised by how much that one small intention has spread beyond my work.
During a recent hometown visit to St. Louis for the release of his new book, What Could Possibly Go Right?, Danny described hospitality in a way that's within reach every day. Listening to him, I connected the dots. Giving someone a reason to feel good about themselves is hospitable. I just hadn't called it that.
I launched my business at 29, which felt so late at the time. And yet, I recently spoke with a friend who's gearing up to celebrate 10 years since opening their restaurant. Time flies. But we agreed that it's only the beginning.
None of it feels too late. In fact, the longer I do this, the more I realize how much there is to learn. Danny had a phrase for that: be a "learn-it-all, not a know-it-all."
He talked about believing in an idea so deeply and positively that it carries you as an entrepreneur. My husband and I can relate to that in our own business journeys. But this isn’t reserved for founders.
Most of what we know was, and still is, acquired through practice. Outside of our innate instincts, many of our skills and behaviors become habitual, and we harmlessly forget there was a time we didn't have them. We're wired to grow. That doesn't stop once we're adults. Often, the hardest part is choosing, over and over again, to keep learning.
Danny isn’t interested in the pursuit of perfection, but rather in the pursuit of excellence. He and his team run an exercise where they honor three things from yesterday and talk about them. Next, they identify three things to be better at today. That's doable.
That daily exercise is part of why Danny has a reputation for optimism. To some people it sounds Pollyanna. But he doesn't deny that challenges arise. Even the title of his book flips the question most of us ask when things feel uncertain. His hospitality approach is what researcher Michelle Gielan calls resilient optimism: not ignoring reality, but building small, repeatable habits that keep a positive mindset going, especially when things get hard.
My north star hasn't changed. How I live it out has, again and again, because I keep learning. That's what keeps me on course while leaving room to grow.
You don't need a restaurant or a business to have a north star. If you've ever given someone a reason to feel good about themselves, you're already hospitable, even if you hadn't called it that. The rest is choosing it again—once a day—and getting a little better each time.
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